


He Wasted His Seed On The Ground

by orphan_account



Category: Christian Bible, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Afterlife, Archangels, Bad Cooking, Come Eating, Eating, Ejaculate, Genderfluid!Gabriel, Heaven, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Macaroni and Cum, Making Food, Making Love, Making Out, Members of Fall Out Boy, Noodle Incidents, Public Masturbation, Vegetarians & Vegans, cum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 18:48:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5508959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Joe Trohman goes to Heaven, the first thing he does is find Andy Hurley- in a kitchen with two angels trying to make very non-vegan macaroni.</p><p>title is from Genesis 38:9</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Wasted His Seed On The Ground

**Author's Note:**

> remember when i was talking about explaining the stuff that went down in the afterlife after all those people died
> 
> well
> 
> here y'all go

Joe Trohman ran through the doors of the community kitchen in Heaven. He’d just died, and now, he was in Heaven, and God had told him Andy was here, as well, cooking something in the kitchen with Gabriel- the literal archangel. Holy frick, he thought as he ran. Archangels were real. God was real. Fricking Jesus Christ was real! This was nuts!

“Andy?” he called. “Andy?”

Joe opened a door and ran through it. He gasped. Andy was sitting on a spinny chair, sadly doing bicep curls with a soup can while another dude, who Joe assumed was Gabriel, nonchalantly stirred a pot. Someone else was next to Gabriel, wearing no pants and jerking themselves off.

Andy looked up. “Joe!” he shouted. He stood up and ran to Joe, crushing him in a hug. Joe squeezed Andy equally tight. “Why are you here?” Andy asked. “Did you die, too?”

Joe nodded. “It’s okay,” he said. “I get to be with you again.”

Andy giggled. “Yeah,” he said. “I-“

“Do you want some macaroni, dude?”

Joe looked over at Gabriel, who was still stirring his pot. “Uh,” he said, “I’m alright, I think.”

“For real? Dang. You’re serious, man?”

“I- do you want me to eat it? I’m not really hungry-“

The angel next to Gabriel paused his masturbating to throw his hands in the air. “Fricking frick, dude,” he said, “this is the fricking afterlife. Nobody’s hungry in the afterlife. We eat because we’re bored. Have some fricking macaroni. You’ll hurt Gabriel’s feelings if you don’t.”

Gabriel coughed. “Michael, uh, it’s Gloria right now,” she said. “Sorry.”

“Oh! Crap, dude, I’m sorry!”

“Nah, it’s chill.” 

The other angel must have been Michael-the-archangel, then. Holy smokes, Joe was in the same room as two archangels. This was weird. 

Michael had gone back to masturbating. “So, do you want macaroni?” Gloria-the-genderfluid-archangel asked. 

“He wants macaroni,” Andy said. “He appreciates it.”

Gloria smiled. “Good!” She spooned some of the macaroni from the pot into a bowl and handed it to Joe with a spoon.

Joe took a bite of the macaroni. 

Holy smokes, that was nasty. He tried to smile. “It’s good,” he said. 

Gloria smiled happily. “Good!” She turned back to her pot of macaroni and then froze. “Gabriel! I’m Gabriel now, Michael!” he shouted.

“T- twice in one day? Fri- frick, man, that’s like, a new record- oh, it’s almost there, get it ready!” Michael choked out, pumping his penis faster.

Andy poked Joe in the ribs. “You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to,” he said. “I didn’t.”

“Yeah, but you’re vegan, so you have an excuse,” Joe said. He awkwardly ate another spoonful. “So, uh, is- is Gabriel genderfluid, then?”

“Yeah,” Andy said. “And gay. Really gay. Well- like, when he’s male, he’s gay, but when he’s female, she’s straight-“

Suddenly, Michael let out a loud gasp. “Glo- crap, no, Gabriel- get the pot, get the pot! I’m gonna cum!” he screamed.

“WOOO!” Gabriel sshouted. “MACARONI AND CUM, FRICKNUGGETS! RING THE FRICKING DINNER BELL!” He lifted Michael into the air, like in The Lion King, and Michael squirted his cum into the pot of macaroni.

“Oh, God,” Joe whispered. He set his bowl of macaroni back on the counter and spat into the trash can. “Oh, frick, I just ate angel cum,” he hissed to Andy. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Andy laughed. “I find this really amusing,” he said. “Plus, you never asked.”

“Oh, frick, man. I hate you so much.”

“I hate you, too,” Andy said, wrapping his arms around Joe and kissing him. make-out-make-out. fun.

Suddenly, a huge stampede of people- well, dead people- knocked Joe and Andy to the ground. “MACARONI AND CUM,” Billie Joe Armstrong screamed, “IS NO MATCH FOR GRAPE JUICE AND CUM! THIS IS WAR!”

Andy pulled Joe up and ran out of the kitchen with him. They stopped in a hallway.

“Does that happen a lot?” Joe asked.

“Yeah,” Andy said.

“And you just sit in there, lifting?”

“Trying to. I can’t change my muscle to fat ratio now that I’m in the afterlife.”

“Aw, I’m sorry, Andy.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey,” Joe said, “I’m not really into other people’s cum, but I wouldn’t object to consuming yours, dude.”

Andy grinned. “Go ahead, Joe.”


End file.
